This is submitted to us by a writer and patient of Clarity Brunei, who shall remain anonymous so as not to breach confidentiality. Hereafter, the writer shall be known only as Jude. He has been generous enough to share his story to encourage others to seek help for a very common condition: anxiety as well as depression. We all struggle with negative emotions from time to time, but when they affect our lives to the point where we cannot function at work or school, maybe it is time to seek help. Do you find yourself struggling to form positive attachments in your life? Maybe it is time to open up. Consider therapy or at least journaling.
Let us read on!
Background
I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a long time now. I was unaware that I had anxiety and depression until quite recently. My childhood was not really a pleasant one, as I had to endure physical abuse at home and bullying at school. The traumas I had up until my teenage years turned me into someone with low self-esteem, morale, and confidence. Once I entered university, I turned into a wild person as I was free from home. I did things my own way, but I ended up causing more troubles for myself as I transitioned into an adult. All this while, I was oblivious that those rough times I had been through would have a negative impact on me as I grew older.
Struggles
Ever since I got my first job back in 2006, I have been changing jobs from one to another, although no one was really pressuring me at work. Till date, I have changed no less than five jobs, and in some instances, I even resigned without having a new job in place. The underlying problem was actually that I was just always scared, worried, and anxious to get things completed. Whenever I had a problem resolved, I would think and think. I barely slept at times, and I felt miserable daily. There was nothing much for me to look forward to in life. I was like a walking zombie. Consequently, I always succumbed to the pressure I exerted on myself.
Turning Points
In 2022, I was on the verge of quitting my current job, although the pay was good. But at my current age of 40+, I was worried that I may not get another job that would pay as well as my current job. My inner demons were always winning the battles I had within. Some nights, I would just think of work problems that I would not solve. I became more and more withdrawn and agitated with everything as well. I would occasionally erupt at home because of trivial matters.
But I have observed that all my colleagues seem fine, even though they had problems as well. I asked myself, Why am I different? One day, I finally found the answer when I attended a mental health session. I learned that apparently what I face daily is all part of mental health problems. For the first time in my life, I was able to tell myself that I am actually not slow and dumb, but that anxiety was always getting the better of me.
Eventually, I decided to seek help from Panaga Health Clinic. There was then a point where things started to improve ever since I was put on medication and had a consultation. In addition to the aforementioned support, I decided to also improve my mental well-being by adapting self-improvement methods. One good tip I got from Instagram is to refer to links that offer positive outlooks on life. I started to follow positive influencers like Tim Grover. I also adapted the philosophy of "stoicism.".
Lessons Learned
From my experience, it's okay to have anxiety and depression. Nobody is perfect. Having a mental illness does not mean that you are weak. It just means that the way you view life is perhaps the wrong way, and that's why anxiety is getting the better of you. So, change is required. I have learned that you are responsible for yourself. No one will save you. If you constantly give in to your feelings, you will always be a slave to yourself. I do still feel anxious and depressed at times, but one change I have made to myself is to have a more positive outlook on life and to constantly remind myself that no amount of self-pity or complaining will help.
I hold these two beliefs and would like to share them:
1. You must train your mind to be stronger than your feelings. Otherwise, your emotions will get the better of you.
2. Motivation is nothing compared to discipline. A person can use motivation to get one hard thing completed, but a disciplined man will get discipline to get a lot of things done.
I am not perfect, and I will never be perfect. But I strive for self-improvement. It's hard when life hits you hard, but you have to get up. Anxiety can get the better of me at any time, but the key is that I will need to pick myself up and stay strong. Difficulties strengthen the mind just like labor will do the body. So, even with anxiety and depression, with the right mindset and support, it can be controlled, although not necessarily obliterated.
Editorial recommendation for daily stoicism: https://dailystoic.com/what-is-stoicism-a-definition-3-stoic-exercises-to-get-you-started/
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